Maison Blanc, Muswell Hill, London N10

I decided to see the Queen - as in the film, not her Madge, or the late moustached bloke. Early showing. The thought of just me and the screen, like Barry Norman from that cinema crit show that used to be on at 11pm but now he's gone to Sky, as in the TV channel, and Johnathon Ross then took over. So, pending my own personal cinema experience I needed a decaf coffee - how exciting.

I stopped off at Maison Blanc for a delicious cafe latte (and forgot to order decaf). Oh dear. It was very nice. Service was dire.

4 * (noted that I'm being very generous to the locals). Good consistency...tra la la.

2 * stayability - had to get to the flix.

Back to the film. So there I am thinking that it would be JUST ME. But alas not. I didn't realise that there are LOADS of elderly Queen fans living near to Muswell Hill. As soon as the lights dimmed a 'gaggle' of elderly lady-folk descended on screen number 3 and shouted or bellowed in fact.

MAVIS ARE THERE ANY STEPS!!!
NO THERE AREN'T ANY CYBIL!!!

They sat down and rustled and rustled thoughout the whole film as of course they had brought their lunch with them. And then AND THEN Cybil said, 'OH LOOK MAVIS DOESN'T HELEN MIRREN LOOK GOOD AS THE QUEEN MUM. GAWD BLESS 'ER SOUL.'

I needed 20 coffees with lots of caffeine after that experience. A suggestion that if ever you have an afternoon free and fancy seeing a film in your local cinema...buy a DVD instead.